Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Rambling - Chapter 1

Now, why would anybody in their right senses have kids? This is beyond me.  SBID is yet to reply (Like I said, years).  I don’t have anything against kids….I love kids actually.  So far they are not mine, they invisible and inaudible. I remember reading somewhere (ref google) that parenting is a job that comes without a job description and child is a toy that comes without an instruction manual.  This is soooo true.
I live in an apartment and my neighbors have kids.  Totally there are 9 kids in the building.  I sometime think that they took birth to conspire against me. The sound level they make is beyond anything I have heard, cannot be measured in decibels or any bells.  At first I thought they were talking to each other  from their respective houses, which were in different floors.  One day ,out of my scientific curiosity, which was aided by anger due to lack of sleep and food (latter driven by the lack of coconut) I went to investigate.  To my horror all these horrendous 2 feet blobs were standing next to each other and talking at the top of their lungs.  I think I saw one of them actually turn blue in the face.  I just stood there, watching this amazing phenomenon and contemplating whether to throw them down from the second floor where they were playing or just for the fun of it, take them to fourth floor and then throw them down from there.
Then I saw their parents come out of their respective homes and start talking to each other.  To my horror, their voices drowned their kids voices. Now I believe in genes.  I think what these parents do is, when the baby cries for the first time and the decibel levels are any less than dolphin’s, they do away with the baby.  I know, dark thought but that is the only explanation why all the kids they sire have that kind of lungs.
Enough of my problems, lets come to the subject of parenting.  Who are parents? Definitely they are crazy, anatomically able, psychologically deteriorating and on the verge of psychopathological tendencies. Apart from these basic facts, who actually are parents? From my experience, which is formidable compared to yours (because you are still not able to grasp the importance of SBID), I think parents are the victims of social structure which was formed to torture men mainly.  The same social structure which, during cave days (happy days) did not allow men to fornicate in different caves with different women, but came out with this ridiculous concept called marriage.  Come on, look at it my way for a minute.  Why would anybody marry? , really.  I mean, wives are good (someone else’s, see what I mean?). I mean, you decide that a girl is good enough and you spend some time with her , respect her by not troubling her anymore, simple. This is one area the opposite gender agrees with me, but because they are subdued and oppressed in this society, they do not voice out(you go girl, I am with you.  No, really…. go). So this is how man got trapped in to one woman and many kids business, which is not working out well.
But with the advent of marriage and parenting, man did not get any instruction on the “how” part of it. Women have this tendency to be right all the time, so we have left kids to them.  So what in the world is parenting.  In my definition, parenting means an act of valor which includes monetary sacrifice without any returns, a colossal black hole which sucks up everything you have including your sanity and leaves you with a perpetual smile on the face and a numbness that can only be achieved by watching amol palekar’s emotional scenes.
Beware my friends, don’t be fooled by the size of the kids or the cuteness.  Why the hell do you think kids don’t talk much when you speak to them directly? They are thinking different and new ways of sucking up your energy and use them up for shrill voiced games