Friday, 25 April 2014

Rambling - Chapter 5

Old Sayings are…..

I grew up listening to these old sayings.  Like, old is gold, what you sow so you reap, time and tide waits for none, so on and so forth.  I am sure even you have a few lines etched in your brain from your younger days.
Are all these sayings sensible? I am not sure. First of all why don’t they come out and say what they want to say instead of using these lines.  Most of them are irrelevant, indecipherable and probably non traceable to its origin.  If you actually trace them back to their origin, you will find that a man said most of these things after a few beers and a few pegs of tequila.
Lets take one for example…..”History repeats itself”.  If this is true then why aren’t we able to predict future accurately?.  If that line was true, you would have a conversation similar to this :
Astrologer (ASS.  For the sake of numerology I added one more S): Whad is your dade of birdth (read as birth)
You (U.  That significant you are) : dade of what?
ASS: Birdth, birdth.
U : (Perplexed) what is a dade of birdth?
ASS: (Perplexedth) the dade thad you dook birdth onn (the second n is not for numerology, that’s how he says “on”)
U : (Flustered, because I used perplexedth twice already) first dell me, sorry, tell me what is a dade?
ASS: (Now really angry at U, correct… you, for not undersdanding a simple word) wad will you do knnowing your fuudure if kannod undersdand a simble (now you got it righdth? Ha ha ) word lige dade?
U : (Egually, sorry ….equally angry) who is asging, sorry, asking you for my fudure? I am here to asg, sorry ask if you know where is the nearest wine sdore, store?
 Since this conversation is not going anywhere lets go to another version:

ASS: What is your date of birth?
U : 16th August 1974
ASS : Time?
U : for what?
ASS : What is your time of birth?
U : (With a sheepish smile) oh, 23:46
ASS : Wow, that’s specific. No problem give me some time.
U : Ok. Time for what?
ASS : To tell you your fudure, future.
U : Future? I just wanted to know where is the nearest wine stores?
ASS: Since we have come so far, why don’t you know it anyway?
U: What do you charge?
ASS: What are you buying?
U: Huh!!!!
ASS: What are you buying to drink?
U : Smirnoff vodka
ASS : One quarter
U : No, full bottle
ASS : You are really dumb, I said I will charge one quarter
U : (Again with the sheepish smile) oh, ok
ASS : Lets see, since history repeats itself, in next 5 years, you will cheat government of its money, become CM of your state for 49 days, resign for no reason, create havoc on roads, get slapped atleast twice and contest again shamelessly.
U : Wow! That’s specific.
See what I mean? So what do you think of that?.

My parents always told that these sayings were handed down from generations.  We are from lower middle class background, our ancestors could have used their time more productively and handed down property instead of these one liners which sounds like congress manifesto. Now unfortunately I am going to hand down the same shit to my son as well because instead of using MY time productively I am writing these BS articles which no one reads or understands.

Lets take one more saying, “What you sow, so you reap”.  Really?  You figured it out all by yourself? NOOOOOOOO. Come on, admit it, you are a scientist right?. 

What crap!!!! So you are telling me, what is true for plants and trees are exactly true for human actions? If that was true then everybody that Modi is contesting in this elections should be behind bars, or dead preferably.

I mean, where do they come up with all this? Worst still, it gets handed down.

You go and tell a Setu that “Old is gold”.  He will laugh you out of his shop and report you to his community in his next meeting of NPA (National Pawnbrokers Association) under the category “The most hilarious person I have met”.  Your name will be on their wall of fame, right below Deve Gowda’s.  I am not sure why his name is etched there.

Check this out : “A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother”. -- Ben Franklin.  Obviously Mr. Franklin never met Salman of his time. I mean, he was after all one of the founding fathers of the most powerful nation, you would think atleast he would say something like “Your fudure is in your boss’ yands”.
To give you an overall picture of what I am talking about, given below is a sample sayings and my thoughts on the same :

My thoughts
A guilty conscience needs no accuser.      -- English Proverb<
If you cannot hide it, then don’t do it
A horse may run quickly but it cannot escape its tail.      -- Russian proverb (on conscience)
Horse's tail is not detacable Mr. Bean
A tree falls the way it leans.      -- Walloon (on rewards and consequences)
Wait till it leans, then run the other way
Bad gains are true losses.      -- Ben Franklin (1706-1790)
Mr. Franklin must have been around for the 2G Scam
Conscience makes cowards of us all.      -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
Don’t think too much, just gulp it down
Depend on others and you will go hungry.      -- Nepalese (on self-reliance)
Bring you own snaks to the booze party
Depend on your walking stick; not on other people.      -- Japanese (on self-reliance)
Empty sacks will never stand upright.      -- Italian Proverb
If it does, video and upload on youtube
Everyone gets their just deserts.      -- unknown
Good then, mine will be Liquer
He that goes aborrowing, goes asorrowing.      -- R. Taverner (1545)
he who agoes asying athings with "a" will aget abeatn up
He that lies down with the dogs riseth with fleas.      -- George Herbert (1593-1633)
Does it matter to him. Really? Are you grooming a homeless man?
Hurry is good only for catching flies.      -- Russian (on the conduct of life)
Which Hari? I am sure he is pissed by this
It's no use closing the barn door after the horse is gone.      -- John Heywood (c.1497-1580)
Wait till it goes and then close the door and don’t make any sound
Let the punishment fit the crime.      -- W.S. Gilbert (1836-1911)
Rs. 200 crore stolen and the guy is roaming free. Sure, no problem
Liars often set their own traps.      -- Aesop (c.620-560 BC)
Learn to lie and remember them
Little leaks sink the ship.      -- Ben Franklin (1706-1790)
Big ones does too, but no, we will not talk about them.
Medicine left in the container can't help.      -- Yoruba (West African)
The ones that you take will kill you, so what does yoruba mean?
Mess with the bull and one usually gets the horns.      -- Latin American saying
That’s tempting.  What happened to you will get trampled on?
No sleep, no dreams.      -- Korean (on rewards and consequences)
Then you are in good health
One who steals has no right to complain if he is robbed.      -- Aesop (c.620-560 BC)
If you are a thief and get robbed, then you are plain simple stupid
The creditor hath a better memory than the debtor.      -- unknown
But the debtor has better reasons.  On your face unknown
The eagle was killed with an arrow made with its own feathers.     -- Armenian (on paradox)
That’s just plain spiteful. You can even shoot them. What kind of a sadist will catch an eagle, take a few feathers, release that eagle and then kills it?
The fat is in the fire.      -- John Heywood (c.1497-1580)
All thin ones, run…….
The frog enjoys itself in water but not in hot water.      -- African proverb Wolof Tribe
Once the frog is in hot water, Goans enjoy them
The proof is in the pudding.      -- Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
Then don’t tell the police, idiot
What breaks in a moment may take years to mend.      -- Swedish Proverb
Time pass. If anything breaks in a moment, it is not worth mending. It will break again.
What you give is what you get.      -- unknown
Not true, sometimes you don’t get anything back.
You can't buy an inch of time with an inch of gold.      -- Chinese (on time and timeliness)
If you are going around with gold asking for time in exchange, let me know where you are.